Hey Jeff,
You're getting closer! You're at the part that most people get stuck on here. Two things -- let's start with getting the preferences.
1. Create a new page called test
2. Navigate to that page and configure the portlet the way you want (decorator, menu, template etc)
3. Go to your database and SELECT * FROM Layout where friendlyURL like '%/test%';
4. The result should have a PLID in it -- copy that number and then run a second query
5. SELECT * FROM PortletPreferences where plid = <plid>;
6. You will likely have multiple rows .. find the one that references your portlet, and copy the "<preferences/>" value out of the column
7. I use an online XML formatter to make it readable
8. Now you can see the key/value pairs you need
Ok, that's part 1. Part 2 now. Because you have embedded a portlet in the theme, any page you have already gone to has now created this record in the database. The records are only ADDED if they are missing, there no sync for checking to make sure that the embedded values match the preferences record. So when you CHANGE the preferences that have been embedded, you need to nuke the existing portlet preferences.
!!DISCLAIMER!! THIS IS ONE OF THE FEW TIMES I WOULD RECOMMEND YOU TAKE ANY DIRECT DATABASE UPDATE/DELETE ACTION. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS USE THE API FIRST!!
OK, big red text out of the way.
1. Update the theme with your new preferences based on part 1
2. Go back to the database and run a DELETE FROM PortletPreferences WHERE portletId = ""; // the portlet id should be the same on every page (plid record but you could do a SELECT * before the DELETE to be sure)
3. Once the records are dumped you need to also clear the caches -- go to Control Panel > Configuration > Server Administration
4. Clear the caches you see there -- I just clear them all to be safe, but I think the Database one is the only one you "need" to do.
5. Deploy your theme
Now every page you go to should have your new configuration. If you messed it up, rinse and repeat.
